Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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