he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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