what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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