I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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