I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
