so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
