If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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