so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
