It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
