is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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