These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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