Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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