bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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