I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
