can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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