Whod you bang
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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