my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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