Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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