Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
