A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
