This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
