i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
