She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
