these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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