I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
