That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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