Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
