i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
