Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
