I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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