Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
