Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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