i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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