There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
