we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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