Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
