Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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