I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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