I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
