i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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