Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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