apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
