Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
