Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
