She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
