Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
