everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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