i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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