i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
