Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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