My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
