I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
