a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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