need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
